


Holding Back|| Westallen

by badgirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Love, Mutually Unrequited, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgirl/pseuds/badgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Barry Allen and I thought becoming the Flash had made me fast enough. But I guess I was wrong, maybe I was too slow when it came to confessing my feelings for my best-friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Back|| Westallen

**Author's Note:**

> In this one-shot Barry hasn't confessed to Iris about his feelings yet.

 

****

 

 

**NOTE:** This story takes place in the form of POV's and flashbacks. 

 

**Barry’s POV**

 

**....**

 

Caitlin raised her eyebrow at Cisco asking in their code language as to what The Flash was doing so early in the morning with 8 cans of beer lying at his feet, at Star Labs, as she arrived at her work place, setting down her bag near her desk, and hanging her coat off the rack."Iris moved out with her boyfriend" Cisco said pursing his lips and looking back and forth between Caityln and the beer-cans. Caityn's eyes widened and her mouth formed an "understanding O" before nodding briefly. "

And I cannot even get drunk in grief" I laughed sarcastically.

"It's not your fault" Cisco said "It's your fault" at the same time that Caitlin said this. Both of them looked at each other awkwardly. "It's the fault in my stars" Barry said smiling sadly."Mr. Allen I'm sure you have enough to thank your stars for" Dr Well's voice came in as he wheeled in his mechanical chair in front of him. "Morning Dr. Wells" I greeted him half-heartedly. Wait. Did I even have a heart anymore?

"I'm glad you're here early, Cisco suspects that a meta-human was trying to break into Star-Labs, yesterday, so..." Dr. Harrison was interrupted, something that he didn't like and wasn't used to, the frown on his forehead indicating the fact.

"I want a break. I want to quit my duties as the Flash for a few days" I said standing up from the chair that he was occupying and knocking over a few empty cans in the process. Cisco stopped typing whatever that he was typing into his computer, while Caityln stared at me like I had grown multiple heads, while Dr. Wells raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm sorry Mr. Allen but I don't understand, I thought you had a particular penchant for protecting the citizens of this city" he said his smile causing me to get more irked than I already was. He was clearly mocking me. "I still do, all I'm saying is to be let off for a few days" I replied looking away.

"We have greater things to deal with than you pining for Miss West, Mr Allen" Wells said. Barry swivelled his around so fast that Caitlin leapt back a little shocked. Anyone who took a good look at my eyes then would only notice the dangerous gleam in them. "Oh no. Touchy subject, Dr Wells, you don't want to go there right now" Cisco thought. “I am sure she’s important to you but I don’t think that her moving out with her boyfriend is any valid excuse for you to ask for a vacation from your job” he continued.

I clenched my fists in anger. “For once will you let me do what I feel like?” I barked out hitting my hand hard against the desk causing it to break into two. Caityln gasped as her hands covered her mouth and Cisco leapt from his chair.

“Dude! You’re bleeding” he said as he rushed forward towards me. But I swiped my hand away and said firmly, “I’m fine!” Cisco stepped back. “Mr. Allen, I suggest you calm down, all that you’re doing is not worth it. She’s not worth...” Dr Wells began only to be cut short by me.

“She’s worth this and so much more! You have no idea what she is worth of! How would you? You need to love somebody but yourself to know that!” I said grinding my teeth angrily. “Mr. Allen...” “I am not your puppet. And for the record she’s worth everything” I said and zoomed out of the lab leaving three stunned people and dozens of papers flying around.

 "Best friends for life" The words played over in my mind again and again like an old record. Sitting beside the window in my dark room, I felt so cold and all alone. Nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed good. There was a pain somewhere within me and I could not point out to where it was. I hugged himself tightly and rested my chin on my knees as I bit my lips, clenched my eyes shut and cried quietly to myself. 

I remembered the other day at Jitters.

 

 

** *start of flashback* **

 

Iris had literally dragged me all the way from my desk to Jitters and refused to tell me anything on the way, until we were successfully seated at one of the tables of the coffee shop. The only other time she had done this was when she had wanted me to convince Joe, to let her enroll for the defense classes. 

I wondered what it was this time. When our hot chocolates had arrived, did she say what I had never wanted to hear. 

"Bear! Eddie asked me to move in with him!!!" Iris had said her eyes dancing with joy. 

The minute she had said those words I felt like someone had punched me right through my chest and knocked the air out of my lungs. No. He possibly couldn't have. They weren't even that old into their relationship? Were they? But like always I couldn't do anything about it, as much as I wanted to. 

I forced a smile although my insides were tearing apart. If the whole deal of her being with another man wasn't enough, the fact that now she was moving in with him was. And in that moment the reality hit me hard that I really had lost all my chances with her, if I even ever had them.

'That...was fast, waoh, it's...it's great news. Uhm excuse me but I have some place to be, see you later" I said and quickly rushed out of the cafe, before I suffocated, not noticing the hurt that spread across her face.

 

 

** *end of flashback*  **

 

**  Iris's POV  **

 

**.... **

 

I was unpacking my things when I took out the picture of Barry and me, smiling at the camera. The picture had been taken after our graduation party. I touched his smiling face in the picture. The ever optimistic, kind, lovable and amazing person, my best-friend, my love.

Barry Allen.

 

** *start of flashback* **

 

Eddie had gone outside to take an important call, while I sat sipping my drink, when my eyes fell on him. I noticed Barry laughing and joking with Felicity. The beautiful blonde I.T expert who apparently worked with Oliver Queen, the billionaire industrialist turned outspoken, socially-progressive politician of Starling City They looked so good together and frankly I was jealous of that fact. 

They were so alike, both of them sharing their penchant for cute nerdiness. They even completed each other's sentences. 

Whereas I...Iris am a plain waitress and psychology graduate student, who would never be good enough for Barry Allen. 

"No! I don't feel anything" I had said to myself, avoiding looking at his face and the soft features that I had stolen glances at all through their childhood. 

When both of them returned to the table, I had excused myself to go to the bathroom. 

I don't have any feelings for Barry. Don't you get that, I can't, I'm not supposed to think about him. I am with Eddie' she had practically screamt at her own reflection in the mirror, in the little bathroom of the coffee shop. 

But try as hard as I did, I couldn't forget the day that I had thought that I had lost him. The day I had watched him die, and then the day he woke up from his comma. I had visited him every single day of those nine-months that he was asleep.

I shook my head and splashed water on my face as I stared at the dripping reflection of myself as I said this,

"No it's not right. I like Eddie" 

But you love Barry, the voice at the back of my head added automatically on cue. 

 

** *end of flashback* **

 

I don’t know for how long I had been crying . 

But when I had cried out Barry’s name in anguish, I knew that life wasn't going to be so easy anymore. 

I sat crying and clenching my t-shirt hard until my knuckles turned white. The result was my sobs getting louder. 

I had never told him how I felt. How he made me feel, and how much I wanted to be with him. 

Fear had stopped me. Fear of losing him, if he didn't feel the same way. 

I stared at the lock screen of my I-Phone. It was a picture of Barry smiling and winking at me. I cannot tell you how I feel, or how I have probably felt about you ever since that day you moved in to live with us.' I said sobbing quietly looking up at the ceiling, to stare at emptiness. 

I stared at my contacts and wanted to dial his number immediately and tell him the truth. 

Tell him that, I loved him unconditionally, that I had always loved him and always would. 

Barry. 

The only thing static in my life after her dad. His presence in my life mattered very much to me. His every little opinion counted. From the way that his laugh made crinkles by his eyes or to the way his dimples stayed embedded in his smile. 

Or to the way he would go on so passionately about science stuff or any new nerdy thing he had picked up. 

I didn't know anyone could make me feel that way, but Barry, he did. 

He made me feel better after every worse day, the way they counted stars on the roof of his terrace, or the way he made hot chocolate for me, every time I didn't do well in the exams, all of this showed just how much he cared for me. 

But did he feel the same way as I did? 

The little bits of everything in our lives kept me going and now that I had taken this big step of moving in with Eddie, I think I killed all of that with my own hands. 

Every time he was around, my heart would start beating faster, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach, just like in those cheesy romantic novels.

I love you so much Bear. 

More than you could ever imagine and if not telling you means I get to keep you, I'm going to do just that' I whispered as I held my phone against my heart and lay down on the cold floor, crying myself to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I was getting the Westallen feels so I had to write this one down. *goofy grin*


End file.
